Weekend chaos....

I would have never thought that a weekend would seem so endless, but at the same time without enough hours to do what it is needed. Maybe the whole problem was that I avoided the unavoidable: the back to school frenzy...I should have started a few weeks earlier to look for the last important things, like pants, shirts...and the books...But since money had been scarce I had done it little by little but it is never enough. Sharkboy and Lavagirl have grown do much during this last summer that what I thought fitted them didnt anymore...So I had to search many shoppings for simple things, bad side of leaving everything to the last days...But at least it also had a bright side, since in one of my endless search days I was able to meet E for lunch...It still amazes me that the little time we can spend together we can talk endlessly, laugh about almost anything...It has been so long since I had laughed so much and so hard...to really be able to enjoy everyday things, to find the beauty of all...inspired to do or be different not because of him but because I actually can...I wish he could be closer...or that we could have met again many years ago, under different circunstances...but who knows seasons change.

Then by Saturday the hectic search kept going and going and going...After a morning of work I had to pick Granny so she will go the parlor and then search for books. At least I got half of the books and materials...After that I visited the Singer in her new home and the kids got a chance to play and have some fun. While talking with her I made the needed to call to the Neantherthal so he"ll know where I was, but as always no answer...So I decided to head back home just in case...And what I had thought happened he was raging because I got home late without saying anything and he was stuck home??????????? Like if I had tied him to the house..Simply I ignore him explaining my phone call, but of no value...Anyway after doing some schoolwork, I decided to check mail, then the witch showed up, so naturally we started talking..The kids were sleeping, he was watching TV who was I hurting? Well apparently I was being disrespectful, uninterested, cold, unaware of the hurt I was causing him because I was on the net and he was alll alone in his room...I thought WTF????!!!! At almost two am I hear all this yelling, cursing endlessly about my erratic lifestyle, that I dedicate myself to anything but him or the home, that had he known I was going to be like this he would rip off the net and on, and on...Finally by 3 he stopped. And the sunrise was really pretty.

During Sunday morning the school work kept going, plus the laundry, cooking you get the idea...By midday he left to find things to cut the grass.FInally!! But he came back at three to start doing in a rush since he was going out...I didnt realize that he had started, by the I did my baby trees were history...as always...Before saying anything I left to buy the last minute things and got back at 5...Kept with the schoolwork until almost 11..Thankfully the kids had gone to bed early but woke up at 12!!!!! SO until 2 nobody went back to bed...I guess that sometime after 3 I was able to join them but the bell rang at 5 so not much rest...But at least everything was almost ready and we got out in time for school...

Monday passed without much troubles during the day, Lavagirl cried too much but I am hoping for her to get over it and enjoy herself at the new class..Sharkboy seems to be happy lets see for how long....MOnday nigth was maybe the worst of all...After so many nights of little sleep my husband decided that we needed a little chat...Like that would solve anything or be different from others we already had...He feels that I am acussing him or blaming him for all our problems when in fact it is all my fault for being a cold, senseless, bitch who never pays attention to his feelings...It seems I have always abandon him for work, kids, chores and that I dont understand what love really is...that he may not be the best husband or dad but I am an statue incapable of showing no feelings at all...which for him is worst...Yet I am the best thing in his life, without me he is nothing hence why he can not simply let me go??????????????? Endless hours of arguing, accusing, questions, that lead to nowhere since we cant agree on anything...How I am makes him mad but he cant simply accept that it isnt working anymore and that his lifestyle isnt the best for a family...All this nonsense until 3 am...for nothing...just another restless sleepless night full of guilt, anger, hopelessness...


The weekend has ended leaving me desiring for a king sized, bed full of pillows and satin sheets, that should be in the middle of the darkest cave where no sound could be heard..So that I could enjoy the pleasure of a few hours of uninterrupted profund sleep, far, far away from the real world...